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Dumb and Dumber Quotes -- Dumb and Dumber Movie Quotes

Dumb and Dumber QuotesLloyd: The first time I set eyes on Mary Swanson, I just got that old fashioned romantic feeling where I'd do anything to bone her.
Harry: That's a special feeling, Lloyd.

[after Lloyd trades the van in for a moped] Harry: Just when I thought you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this... and totally redeem yourself!

Harry: So you got fired again, eh?
Lloyd: Oh yeah. They always freak out when you leave the scene of an accident, you know?
Harry: Yeah, well, I lost my job too.
Lloyd: Man, you are one pathetic loser. No offense.
Harry: No, none taken. You know what really chaps my ass though? I spent my life savings turning my van into a dog. The alarm alone cost me two hundred.
Lloyd: Hey, chicks love it. It's a shaggin' wagon.

[to the dogs in his van] Harry: OK gang, you know the rules, no humping, no licking, no sniffing hineys.

Lloyd: All we need to do is show a little class, a little sophistication, and we're in like a dirty shirt.
Harry: No problem, Lloyd. We can be classy and sophistic-Oh check out the funbags on that hosehound.
Lloyd: I'd like to eat her liver with some fava beans and a nice bottle of Chianti.

Harry: I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this.
Lloyd: I was thinking the same thing. That John Denver's full of shit, man.

Lloyd: If I know Mary as well as I think I do, she'll invite us right in for tea and strumpets.

Harry: Hi, Lloyd.
Lloyd: Hi, Harry.
Harry: How was your day?
Lloyd: Not bad. Fell off the jet way again.

Harry: I can't believe we drove around all day, and there's not a single job in this town. There is nothing, nada, zip!
Lloyd: Yeah! Unless you wanna work forty hours a week.

Harry: Skis, huh?
Beth: That's right!
Harry: Great! They yours?
Beth: Uh-huh.
Harry: Both of 'em?
Beth: Yes.
Harry: Ah... cool!

Lloyd: We got no food, no jobs... our PET'S HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!"

[Harry and Lloyd are spending the evening in a romantic-themed motel] Harry: I don't know, Lloyd. These places always seem to bring back a lot of bad memories.
Lloyd: What's the matter, Har? Some little fillie break your heart?
Harry: No, it was a girl.

Lloyd: Mary... I desperately wanna make love to a school boy.

Lloyd: Excuse me, Flo? [Harry and Lloyd crack up]
Lloyd: Flo, like the TV show. Uh, what is the Soup Du Jour?
Flo, Waitress #1: It's the Soup of the Day.
Lloyd: Mmmm. That sounds good. I'll have that.

Lloyd: That's a lovely accent you have. New Jersey?
Lady at bus stop: Austria.
Lloyd: Austria! Well, then. G'day mate! Let's put another shrimp on the barbie!
Lady at bus stop: Let's not.

Lloyd: This isn't my real job, you know.
Mary: No?
Lloyd: Nope. My friend Harry and I are saving up to open our own pet store.
Mary: That's nice.
Lloyd: I got worms!
Mary: I beg your pardon?
Lloyd: That's what we're gonna call it. "I Got Worms!" We're gonna specialize in selling worm farms. You know, like ant farms.

Lloyd: Well suck me sideways!

Harry: Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something. I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.

Airport Clerk: Sir, you can't go in there!
Lloyd: It's ok, I'm a limo driver!

Harry: One time, we successfully mated a bulldog with a Shih-Tzu.
Mary: Really? That's weird.
Harry: Yeah, we called it a bullshit.

Lloyd: What do you think the chances are of a guy like you and a girl like me... ending up together?
Mary: Well, Lloyd, that's difficult to say. I mean, we don't really...
Lloyd: Hit me with it! Just give it to me straight! I came a long way just to see you,
Mary. The least you can do is level with me. What are my chances?
Mary: Not good.
Lloyd: You mean, not good like one out of a hundred?
Mary: I'd say more like one out of a million. [pause]
Lloyd: So you're telling me there's a chance... *YEAH!*

Lloyd: What the hell are we doing here, Harry? We gotta get out of this town!
Harry: Oh yeah, and go where? Where are we gonna go?
Lloyd: I'll tell you where. Someplace warm. A place where the beer flows like wine. Where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. I'm talking about a little place called Aspen.
Harry: Oh, I don't know, Lloyd. The French are assholes.

Lloyd: So where are you headin'?
Mary: Aspen.
Lloyd: Hmmm, California! Beautiful!

Lloyd: I'll bet you twenty bucks I can get you gambling before the end of the day!
Harry: No way!
Lloyd: I'll give you three to one odds.
Harry: No.
Lloyd: Five to one.
Harry: No.
Lloyd: Ten to one?
Harry: You're on!
Lloyd: I'm gonna get ya!
Harry: Nuh uh!
Lloyd: I don't know how, but I'm gonna get ya.

Harry: Nice set of hooters you got there!
Mary: I beg your pardon?
Harry: The owls! They're beautiful!

[coming out of the 7-11] Lloyd: Hey guys. Woah, Big Gulps, huh? All right! Well, see ya later.

Harry: I don't get it, Lloyd. She told me ten o' clock, sharp! Are you sure you went to the right bar?
Lloyd: Yep. I'm pretty sure. Lobby bar right by the lobby. [sighs]
Lloyd: Maybe she just had a change of heart.
Harry: Oh, that pisses me off! That pisses me right off! I hate when women do that. She wanted to see you again! And now no? Now... Wait a minute! Wait! She must have meant ten o' clock at night!
Lloyd: Do you think...?
Harry: Why would she have you meet her in a bar at ten in the morning?
Lloyd: I just figured she was a raging alcoholic.

Dumb and Dumber Movie Synopsis

Dumb and Dumber is a goofy but sweet comedy stars Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels as two loveable idiots and is directed by the low brow kings of comedy, The Farrelly brothers. It is littered with funny movie quotes and silly plot turns that you would expect in one of their movies.
Lloyd Christmas is played by Carrey and his best friend is Harry Dunne played by Daniels. The low IQ best friends who share a disaster of an apartment so unkempt that burglers can't figure out a way to trash it.
The two buddies have trouble holding on to jobs which is no surprise given their mental challenges.Lloyd is a limo driver in based in Rhode island and he has the good fortune to be hired by the gorgeous, rich Mary Swanson played Lauren Holly for an airport trip. While taking her to the airport. Lloyd is smitten by her and falls in love. When she forgets her briefcase before boarding, he's vows to get it back to her in order to win her over.
Lloyd tries desperately to get on her flight but can't quite make it. So he enlists Harry who has the Pooch Mobile van for his dog grooming business and the duo take off on the road to find Lloyds's love in Aspen CO.
Now Lloyd and Harry don't know the briefcase is loaded with money, and that Mary left it at the airport on purpose, in order to help save her kidnapped husbands life. Of course since they don't know much in general anyway this may not matter.
Everything works out in the end as it always does in this type of movie.
This is definitely not a chick flick . The movie is fun to watch in a three stooges kind of way but it is more of a guys guy flick full of hysterical and sometimes gross set-ups for a laugh.